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Martial Arts Joke


Note: This is a joke, and is not intended as a 100% accurate representation of these styles. Also, martial arts and self-defense are usually two separate things, with some overlapping.



A kali practitioner who doesn't spar, an MMA guy who spars a lot, a HEMA practitioner, a young and overconfident wrestler, and a krav maga expert each get independently confronted by a street thug with a knife.


The kali practitioner draws his own knife and gets into a fighting stance. He lunges forward... and gets punched in the face. He then takes a knee to the forehead. The robber steals his wallet and runs off.


HEMA guy asks the thug for a sword. His wallet gets stolen.


The MMA guy charges in, but though he's tough, he doesn't realize the thug has a knife until it's too late. He dies.


The wrestler knows that he can beat 90% of the world in grappling. However, as he charges in to tackle the thug, he forgets that most criminals, like most people, have elbows. He takes an elbow to the jaw. While he's recovering the thug takes his wallet and phone.


The krav maga expert lifts a hand and picks his nose. The thug is confused and steps forward... he doesn't notice that he stepped into the street until the semi hits him. The krav maga guy walks off calmly.



Again, this joke is not intended to be very realistic. Obviously it very much depends on the practitioner—just because there are some kali guys who really don't spar does NOT mean none do. Some kali experts are among the most dangerous and skilled fighters on the planet. And a krav maga practitioner would likely not just pick his nose.

If you are confronted by someone with a knife, in general it's best to run.

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