I originally wrote this (very) short story for a Quora question.
Woody Woodpecker’s life is an eternal waking nightmare. Trapped in a two-dimensional body and forced to perform each day on television, his mind is all he can control.
That is, until the Object appears in the sky.
The UFO seemed to arrive in every single time zone, offset by a factor of 3.14. However, radar was able to pinpoint its actual position over that random church that happens to the in the exact center of the United States.
The Object lands and, speaking American english, communicates with a skilled team of linguists. The love triangle subplot happens in this time, but I won’t tell you who with. More disturbing that way.
Turns out all the aliens really want is Woody. They want to set him free, to dance among the stars. After careful deliberation, humanity gives up Woody. He is, again, set free, to dance among the stars, whatever that means.
And every other cartoon character in the world who didn’t get set free hates Woody with every ounce of their being.