(Image courtesy of youtube.com. For the rest of this post, I will not give image credits, so just know that these images do not come from me. And yes, I know that the hammer is way, way, way too big.)
Tolkien's Dwarves are awesome. However, some adaptations of the man's work have badly misrepresented them.
PJ Hobbit Films
Bombur, Bofur, and Bifur
These three Dwarves are simple miners and craftsmen, descended from Dwarves of Moria but not of Durin's line.
Bombur is great. He's hairy, fat, silly-looking, and his beard is awesome. I give him 9/10.
Bofur could be a lot better. He's disappointingly thin, and his beard is wanting. However, he has a great smile and a lot of character. 7/10.
Bifur is interesting. His beard is almost long enough. His spear is cool. He's Dwarvish in build. However, the axe in his head is just plain silly. 8/10.
Nori, Ori, and Dori
Dori, Nori, and Ori are wealthier Dwarves who distant cousins of Thorin.
Nori is okay. I give him 7/10 because:
He has a cool hairdo.
He looks like a Dwarf.
His beard is too short.
He's not stocky enough.
Ori is the scribe of the Company. His beard is wimpy, and he looks too young. However, he has a hood and notebook. 7/10.
Dori is the oldest brother. His hairstyle is... different, and his beard is wanting. His sword is cool, though, and he's stocky enough. Again, 7/10.
Oin and Gloin
These guys are great.
Oin is the doctor of the company—and he's awesome. Stocky, hairy, well-bearded (though not quite up to my standards), Dwarf-looking. I give him 8/10.
Gloin is great. He's almost stocky enough, easily hairy enough, and his beard is almost long enough. His axe is the same as his son Gimli's. 9/10.
Balin and Dwalin
Balin is an old friend of Thorin's. He's well-built, hairy, his beard is almost long enough, he looks old but not too old, and his sword is awesome. 9/10.
Dwalin is good. Tolkien described him as, "...a dwarf with a blue beard [I think he means dyed] tucked into a golden belt, very bright eyes under his dark-green hood." Well, his beard is not blue, and it's not tucked into his belt. He could barely tuck that thing into his collar. However, he's stout and hairy enough, and his hammer, though oversized, is very cool. 8/10.
Fili and Kili
I think my feelings on these guys could be summed up in one word: "WHY?!"
Fili is bad. He's too thin, has a tiny beard, and looks like a short Man, not a Dwarf. However, he has a charming personality, and his twin swords are dangerous-looking. 5/10.
Kili is worse. If you had me imagine the worse Dwarf I could before I watched the movies, he would have nothing on this guy. He's thin like an Elf, was the wimpiest facial hair imaginable, and looks nothing like a Dwarf. However, he has a bow (as Tolkien described) and a cool sword. 4/10.
One more thing. These two blow the stereotype of old-from-birth Dwarves apart, which Tolkien would approve of.
Thorin
Here we are, Thorin II Oakenshield, the King Under the Mountain.
Well... I'm disappointed. PJ Thorin is not very Dwarf-like—too young (looks like 40 at 195... and 35 at 35), wimpy-bearded, and he's, well, "a bit lacking in the stocky department."
However, it isn't all bad. He still looks a lot like a Dwarf. His sword, Deathless, is awesome. And, you know what, I like him more than the animated Thorin.
"But he doesn't look like Tolkien's short, hairy, grumpy pants!" That's actually a plus. Not because I don't like Tolkien's version, but because The Hobbit is a children's story (though adults can still totally enjoy it). If it were written in the style of LoTR, the Dwarves would be more valiant and heroic.
I give PJ's Oakenshield a solid 6.5/10.
Rankin-Bass Hobbit Film
Bifur, Bofur, and Bombur
First off, the animation looks... well, it just doesn't capture Tolkien's work well. Also, why do Bifur and Bofur, who are cousins, look exactly the same? And Bombur looks like Friar Tuck. However, they look like Dwarves, though their proportions are cartoonish. I give Bifur and Bofur 7/10 each, and Bombur a 9/10.
Nori, Dori, and Ori
These guys are very Dwarvish—hairy, old-looking, stout. However, their proportions are again off, with their heads being two sizes too large, and their noses being three or four sizes too large. And Ori's beard, though hidden under his cloak, must be tiny. I give Dori and Nori 7/10, and Ori 6/10.
Gloin and Oin
The heads are again too large, and they look rather skinny. And whey do they look the same (they're supposed to nine years apart)?. Plus they look too old. Tolkien wrote that Dwarves did not show signs of old age until about ten years before death. Gloin had about ninety years to go at this point.
I give both brothers 6/10.
Balin and Dwalin
These guys have very strange skulls and noses. Plus Dwalin (the younger brother by nine years) is way too old. And both brothers look thin. However, they have no lack of beard length. 7/10 for Balin, 5/10 for Dwalin.
Fili and Kili
Right off the bat, I like these guys more than PJ Fili & Kili. They're stout, hairy, well-bearded, not too young. However, they look too old, and their heads and noses are a bit big. 8/10.
Thorin
Well, this guy is far closer to Tolkien's Thorin, at least in appearance. He's old, hairy and has no lack of facial hair. However, his personality is not heroic at all. Plus his nose is huge, his chest is small, and he's just too much of a stereotypical Dwarf. 7/10.
My favorite: a tie between PJ Gloin, PJ Balin, and both Bombur's.
My least favorite: PJ Kili
Please comment and tell me your favorite and least favorite Dwarves!
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