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Things That Won't Be in Heaven

Happily, these things will not be in heaven (I think). Please don't take this personally; just laugh.


When you're watching a movie and suddenly it stops because there's a scratch on the disk or something


When your mom does the laundry and for some reason you only get one sock back


When a new study finds that your favorite dinosaur was no match in a fight for T. rex


When you find something wrong on a wiki page but you can't edit it because it's locked


When Hugh Ross says another thing you disagree with


When Richard Dawkins says another thing you disagree with


When Joel Osteen says another thing


When your one of favorite battlebots gets destroyed by Tombstone


When your one of favorite battlebots gets destroyed by BioHazard


When someone on the Internet calls Ken Ham an idiot


When someone on the Internet calls Ken Ham a fraud


When you stub your toe really hard and learn to speak in tongues


When you bite your tongue really hard and invent 45 new curses


When you pour out your heart and soul working on a post and no one comments on it even though you asked them to


When you spend all afternoon taking care of your little brother and he thanks you by walloping you with a stick


When you spend all afternoon taking care of your little brother and he thanks you by walloping you with a broom


When you spend all afternoon taking care of your little brother and he thanks you by walloping you with a hammer


When you spend all afternoon taking care of your little brother and he thanks you by walloping you with his forehead


When your sister promises to do a favor for you and then later changes her mind


When you tell an amazingly well-crafted joke and nobody laughs


When yet another person calls the US a democracy instead of a republic


When another inaccurate Star Wars movie comes out


When another Star Wars movie comes out


When another Internet user claims that a katana can cut through a tank


When a huge wooden oar you have in your room for no good reason falls over and cracks you on the head

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