Portland, OR—Experts have revealed that the sound guy at your church does, in fact, deserve the blame whenever anything goes wrong.
"Yeah, we found documents from the CIA that show that your church's sound guy was responsible for the destruction of the World Trade center and the assassination of Franz Ferdinand," says Bob William, leading detective. "Turns out that your habit of turning and staring at the sound booth whenever anything goes wrong on the stage or near the pulpit is totally justified."
WikiLeaks recently published megabytes of information implicating the sound guy of assassinating John F. Kennedy as well. "The soundski guyski, he is clearski responivle for the Presidentski's death," says a top member of the organization.
"We always knew it was him,"says Reverend John Smith Jones, pastor of the Just Tithe Church. "He was always behaving so strangely, and we were on our guard."
At press time, more evidence suggested that the slides guy may have assisted the sound guy in at least one of his crimes, including breaking Portland's last remaining window.
The proceeding article was inspired by one from the Babylon Bee.
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