(Image courtesy of chapter3min.org.)
Here is a list of Bible translations and their pros and cons. Please remember that I am not a Bible expert.
NIV
Serious
The New International Version is still the best-selling Bible translation, even after it was revealed that radical left-wing feminist Lena Dunham sat on the translating committee for its 2011 textual update. This version is fairly accurate, striving for balance between dynamic equivalence and formal equivalence. However, it is inaccurate in gender-terms.
Satire
The Nearly Inspired Version strives for an optimal balance between dynamic equivalence, formal equivalence, and gender term inaccuracies.
NLT
Serious
The New Living Translation is probably the easiest to read of the popular Bible versions, mostly because it translates the Hebrew and Greek thought-by-thought instead of word-for-word. It is a great kid's Bible, with modern language and easy-to-read-sentences. However, it says that Behemoth was a hippo and Leviathan was a crocodile.
Satire
The Not Literal Translation is very popular among those who like God’s Word delivered through slang, emojis, and internet shorthand. It was translated by a first-year Bible student named Greg over the course of three days.
ESV
Serious
The English Standard Version is a great all-purpose translation, with great balance between readability and accuracy, though it sometimes feels a bit chunky to read. It is also hip and cool, with seemingly dozens of cover versions.
Satire
For the Bible nerd who wants everyone to think he’s cool, the Elect Standard Version is perfect. Crossway has pumped out literally billions of different varieties so people will know that you’re one of the unique elect.
CSB
Serious
The Christian Standard Bible is yet another translation that tries to balance dynamic equivalence and formal equivalence.
Satire
The Cool Southern Baptist version is a newer translation, translated by a group of scholars who got jealous because they weren't allowed to work on the ESV. It seems to be pretty popular so far, even though it has stoked a bit of controversy by its rendering of Esau selling his birth right for “casserole.”
KJV
Serious
The King James Version, though about 400 years old, is still a respected and scholarly Bible translation. Though is says (wrongly) that David tortured his enemies and is nearly unreadable, it's still decently accurate. Often, if the KJV translates a word one way, all other versions will too. For example, Joseph was actually more of a mason than a carpenter, and James was not named James.
Satire
This translation (also known as the Knoweth Jesus Version) has legions of disciples who herald it as the only legitimate form of the Scriptures, claiming that all others have been developed through a partnership between the New World Order and Satan himself in order to make sure they don’t knoweth Jesus.
NKJV
Serious
The New King James Version the work of a group of scholars who decided to modernize the KJV, making it somewhat readable. In general, it accurately translates the KJV into modern English, with a few mistakes and corrections. This is a very accurate and scholarly version.
Satire
A group of cultists decided it would be a good idea to tamper with the KJV, taking out sacred words like “thee” and “thine” and replacing them with words you can actually understand, giving rise to the Not King James Version (also known as the Not Knoweth Jesus Version).
NASB
Serious
The New American Standard Bible is one of the most scholarly and trusted versions, translating the Hebrew and Greek word-for-word. While arguably boring and difficult to read, it is my personal favorite.
Satire
The Nerdy Academics’ Snooty Bible is a highly scholarly version whose translators were on heavy doses of lithium to kill their emotions. It is dry, nerdy, and hard-to-read.
The Message
Serious
The Message was translated by renowned author and Bible scholar Eugene Peterson. It reads like a rap song, with modern slang and sometimes sketchy accuracy. In Exodus 21:22, it gives the impression that an unborn baby is less than human.
Satire
Peterson reportedly spent a decade with Chicago gangs in order to gain the rich vocabulary sported by this not-a-translation. Highly modernized, it uses dashes all-the-time. There are also rumors that heavy marijuana and LSD use aided him in his translation process.
My favorite for study:
1: NASB
2: NKJV
3: ESV
My favorite for just reading:
1: NLT
2: The Message
3: ESV
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